haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
