By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
