he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
