Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
