In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
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It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
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My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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