Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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