piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
