She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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