i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
