Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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