just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
