Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
