either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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