No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
