My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be naked everywhere
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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