I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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