So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
