How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
