I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
