are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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