Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
