mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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