is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
