Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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