The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you win again, gameday.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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