the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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