Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
