I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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