I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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