Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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