I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Success! We fucked roommates!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
