Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
