i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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