That's when you crack a 10am beer
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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