lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize