Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
