OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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