you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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