I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
