its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
should my penis look like a turkey
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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