Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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