I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
