Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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