4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
