Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
