The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
