She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
