This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
