Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
