I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
