You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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