i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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