my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
