Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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