Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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