Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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