I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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