oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
