so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
