Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
