i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
