Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
