Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
