I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
