we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I stole a fireplace last night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
